It is 07:49 AM. I’m after warm morning shower, coffee is ready and day is on.
I’m in a long journey away from root home. It is cold here, very cold. No sun, no light, no colors but grey days and black nights. Cold in the bones, in flesh and blood.
My energy is down to zero, my face is pale, heart is sad, mind is blocked. And I have to go on, to breath, to live and let live.
Reality is bright though, reality is colorful as well, a promising vivid future is at horizons of my vision and dream. But I’m now far away from feeling and embracing the good that life is putting my way.
Yes, some days are just like that, and nothing and no one can help you see colors again no matter what they mean to you and how important they are to you. Just make sure you inform them that you are in your ‘devil’ times. It is times when the soul knows it all, in all possible direction, still it is leaning more towards the low energy one. Solution lies inside, deep inside, no body is able to show you the way, it is you to see them and to DECIDE.
I AM TO DECIDE!
Ok, so it is hell cold in here, I’m truly suffering, I’m a sun person. I need light, I need blue skies, fresh air to touch my skin, I need the seven seas waters to clean my thoughts and shine my face and heart. But what if there where no blue skies, do i decide to die?
Well, I never know when it is my time to leave this conscious world and move on. I just know that I will not take my self there by my own hands and deeds. So I am here anyway, in this very here and now. Duty of my day, among other every day ones, is to touch the edge of this little remaining low light inside, and try put more fuel, so it grows bigger again, coloring this new grey day, lighting up the coming dark nights, warming my bones and flesh, and be again the source of all, of colors, warmth, love and light.
I will succeed I know, like many other past times. But I will try not to destroy the good I have achieved and gained while trying to hold myself not falling in the dark.
Categories: A's Diary